I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
