i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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