So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
