on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
