k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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