so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
