All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
