i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
