my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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