yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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