After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
