i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
