my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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