I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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