sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Randomize
