There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize