your parents love me but you hate me
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
