Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
