cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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