i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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