Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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