You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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