Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
