I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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