Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
