proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
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just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
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She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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