He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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