What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
