I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
