Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
