im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
