Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
