i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
