every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
