I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
