I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
