Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
