tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
