I wanna passion pit in your ass
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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