He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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