for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
