tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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