jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
