no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
