I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize