Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
