thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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