I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
