If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
