I love black thongs
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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