im six kinds of drunk right now
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
