hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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