You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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