If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
