Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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