God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
