I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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