oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
