Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
