It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
