threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
