I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
