i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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