I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
