Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
