If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
