Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
