I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
