how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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