i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
