Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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