i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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