you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
