imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
