i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
