i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I smell like Dick and happiness
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
