Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
